A few years ago, I hired a Christian life coach.
I wasn’t in crisis per se. But I was close. I knew I was at a decision point. I was 35, single, and tired. Tired of waiting for the life I wanted to just show up on its own. I didn’t know exactly what needed to change, but I knew I couldn’t keep circling the same thoughts and expecting a different outcome.
Fast forward four years, and here’s the strange part: my circumstances haven’t changed all that much. What changed was my outlook. My perspective. The way I think about the life I actually have. And the tool that got me there is one of the most useful things I’ve ever been given outside of the Word of God itself.
It’s called the CTFAR model — Circumstance, Thought, Feeling, Action, Result. It comes out of the life-coaching world, not a seminary classroom. But the more I used it, the more I realized how deeply it lines up with what Scripture has been telling us all along: that the mind is the battlefield, and renewing it is not optional.
“Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” — Romans 12:2, KJV
If you’re a pastor, a ministry leader, or anyone who spends time counseling people through decision points or hard seasons, I want to hand you this tool. It’s simple enough to teach in one sitting and sturdy enough to hold up under real grief, real fear, real waiting, and real conflict.
Why This Tool Works
Most of us live as if our circumstances directly cause our feelings. Something happens, and we feel something, and we act on it — end of story. But there’s a step hiding in the middle that almost nobody notices: the thought.
Two people can face the exact same circumstance — a diagnosis, a layoff, a hard conversation with a spouse — and walk away with completely different feelings and completely different actions, because they were thinking two different thoughts about it.
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” — Proverbs 23:7
That single insight is what my coach walked me through, and it’s what I’ve since used both in my own life and with the people I counsel at church. Here’s the model, broken down step by step.
The Model, Step by Step
1. Name the Circumstance. Start with the bare fact — the kind of statement a courtroom would accept. No adjectives, no interpretation. “My husband filed for divorce.” “The doctor called with results.” Circumstances are almost always outside our control.
2. Find the Thought. This is the sentence running through your mind about that circumstance. It is not fact — it’s interpretation. And it’s usually invisible until someone asks you to slow down and name it. This is the step most people skip entirely, jumping straight from circumstance to feeling.
“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” — 2 Corinthians 10:5
3. Name the Feeling. One word. Afraid. Ashamed. Angry. Hopeless. Peaceful. Your feeling isn’t produced by the circumstance — it’s produced by the thought you just identified in step two.
4. Look at the Action. Whatever you feel, you act from it — or you act from avoiding it. Fear drives isolation. Shame drives hiding. Anger drives lashing out or shutting down. This step also includes what you don’t do: the call you don’t return, the prayer you skip.
5. Examine the Result. This is the part that changed everything for me. The result of your actions will almost always prove your original thought true — whether or not that thought was ever accurate to begin with. If you think “nobody cares” and that thought leads you to withdraw, the result is more isolation, which feels like proof you were right all along.
“Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” — Galatians 6:7
Then You Rebuild It — On Purpose
Once you can see that loop clearly, you go back to the same circumstance and choose a new thought — one you can defend from Scripture, even if you don’t fully feel it yet. Then you walk the line forward again: new thought, new feeling, new action, new result.
That’s the practical shape of Romans 12:2. Renewing your mind isn’t a one-time decision. It’s a discipline you practice, one circumstance at a time.
Why I’m Passing This Along
Four years later, my circumstances still look a lot like they did when I started. I’m not saying that to be discouraging — I’m saying it because it’s the whole point. God didn’t need to rearrange my life for me to become a different person in it. He needed to renew my mind. The waiting didn’t change. I did.
I’ve used this model in my own life more times than I can count. I’ve also started using it with people I sit across from in counseling — women at their own decision points, walking through grief, conflict, fear, seasons where their emotions have gotten so loud they can no longer think straight.
It doesn’t replace prayer. It doesn’t replace Scripture. It doesn’t replace the ongoing care of the local church. But as a practical tool for slowing down a racing mind long enough to bring it honestly before God? I haven’t found anything better outside of the Bible itself.
If you’re in ministry, I’d encourage you to learn this model, practice it on your own circumstances first, and then start offering it to the people God has placed in your care. Sometimes the most spiritual thing we can do for someone is simply help them notice what they’re actually thinking — and trust God to change them from the inside, even before He changes anything on the outside.
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Thanks for sharing! Great points expressed clearly. Very practical